Remember when Kamala Harris performed abysmally in the debates and had to drop out? Few Democrats liked her. Then when she was selected to run for president, the Democrats suddenly loved her. Supporting Kamala was so joyful!

Something similar is currently unfolding for the Democrats. The progressives in that party are pushing Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to run for president. They know Bernie is burned out and their party is leaderless and rudderless, so they have elevated AOC to divine status. She is the new false idol of the Democrats. That’s because she cannot win any more than Kamala could. The Democrat Party needs to move toward the middle, not further left. Still, the Democrats will worship her anyway because she represents their quest for a socialist utopia. She also has gleaming white teeth and represents youth—not another doddering octogenarian.

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The Democrats cleared out the jungle and set up a deity so radiant that even her Instagram captions are treated like scripture. “And lo, she did tweet ‘Abolish ICE,’ and the people saw that it was good.” Teary-eyed baristas whisper her name in awe as they clutch $12 oat milk lattes like they’re an offering at the altar of Gaia.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the millennial messiah of the progressive Democrats, and Bernie Sanders, the 83-year-old socialist sage who’s been yelling about the 1% since time began, have teamed up. They are whipping up support on their “Fight the Oligarchy Tour.” Who cares if they have to pay people to show up.

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Theirs is a cross-country pilgrimage through America’s bluest cities—Portland, San Francisco, and Seattle—where the smell of overpriced coffee permeates the air along with the smell of urine. Tents of the homeless line the streets that include drug addicts and the mentally ill. AOC will save them all if only people believe! (And fill her campaign coffers with billions of dollars).

Crowds of starry-eyed leftists bow before her. She tosses out magical-sounding phrases such as “End the Oligarchy!,” “Tax the rich!,” and “Common sense” in order to attract campaign funds for a White House bid.

In Portland, they sacrificed a Tesla to her glory; its lithium battery crackling as the faithful chant, “For thee, O AOC, we smite the oligarchs and burn MAGA hats.” In San Francisco, they offered up a ceremonial kombucha vat—its bubbles rising like prayers to their goddess who will surely deliver them from the tyranny of capitalism—if only she can get past the filibuster.

Critics whisper that she’s all style and no substance. They say she’s a false idol leading the flock astray with promises of free college and good vibes, but the devotees don’t care. “She’s the future!,” they cry, while ignoring the fact that Bernie has been preaching the same old commie sermon since before AOC was born.

It’s a cosmic joke in the end: Her Worshipfulness would be more effective tending bar than tending Congress. As for the oligarchs, they’re the ones who still fund her campaign. 

—The GrrrTeam

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